2017: A year of strength and conditioning

Do you ever have those moments where you take a second to evaluate where you are? It’s a moment that occurs after you’ve been invested in something for a long time; you’ve had your head down, putting in the work. You don’t look up or back or to the sides; you have been steadily committed to The Grind. You are in the flow, building on momentum, working at maximum flux, gliding on a current of productive energy. It’s not frantic work; it’s steady, consistent, persistent. And then something causes you to come up for air.

When did I get here? How did I get here?

This is where I am, almost one and a half years after the Olympic Games. The time up to and through the Olympic Games was a roller coaster and a whirlwind. For me, it was a race against time, to reach the highest goal I set for myself in a short amount of time. I made it. And then I had no idea what to expect afterwards. What now? What do I want to do now?

I knew I wasn’t ready to stop playing rugby at the highest level (sorry, Mom). Part of me was curious: if I had grown and evolved seemingly exponentially under the pressure of an Olympic challenge, how would I do with less external pressure and stress, with more time to develop aspects of my game (knowledge, skills, fitness) patiently and organically, instead of rushed? Part of me felt a need to stay: while my original plan was to stay in Brazil through the Olympics and head back to the U.S., I didn’t want to be just another bandwagon Brazilian athlete. After these two years, I couldn’t imagine leaving the Yaras, my teammates, without having done more.

And we did do more this past season. We participated in the HSBC Women’s Sevens World Series as a core team, securing two wins against England, and one against Ireland, Japan, and Russia. It might not seem like much, but these moments are starting to convince us of our potential. While we didn’t maintain our standing as a core team, we learned a tremendous amount that will help us develop younger players and create a more sustainable high performance program. We also maintained our dominance in the region, claiming our 13th South American title and qualifying for the 2018 World Cup. My club, Niteroi, ended the season as Brazilian champions.

What’s more: as this year comes to a close, I feel that I am exactly where I need to be, happy with the work I have put in. More so, I’m confident that it’s the right path.

So how did I get here? What nobody tells you--or at least nobody told me--is that there isn’t an “ah-ha!” moment to answer this question. It isn’t that you wake up one day and know that you’re exactly where you need to be, doing things the way they need to be done. This feeling, this clear confidence in what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and the results it could bring is unique. I had never felt it before in this line of work of being an athlete.

While I don’t know when this happened, I do know that this feeling is a result of the process in which I invest myself. When I moved to Brazil, I had a clear goal towards which to aim: the Olympics. When that passed, I had to find a new way to orient myself. I set more personal goals, independent of any external factor. Now, I don’t necessarily orient myself or my goals towards something specific; instead, I am focused on how I work towards progress. I want to see how far I can go, how much I can grow, even if I have no idea what that looks like right now.

This feeling is a glimpse, perhaps. I don’t know if it will materialize into anything, but I will continue to chase it. 2017 turned out to be an intensely personal journey of growth and learning. I’m playing some of the best rugby I’ve ever played, experiencing pure joy when my team and I can create some beautiful moments on the pitch. When the going gets rough, I’ve felt less fear and panic; I trust in the tools I have forged for battle and the skills I am building up to wield them.

That’s not to say that 2017 was an easy year. There was so much hate and intolerance rearing its head in politics, and as a result, so much uncertainty and insecurity; the distance between me and my family weighed a bit more; I travelled practically every month, which was stressful and draining. But here’s the thing: how can I end such a year on a high note?

In the face of new challenges presented this year, Marjorie introduced me to a classic Brazilian song, a samba by Adoniran Barbosa called “Saudosa Maloca”. A homeless man tells the story of when the landowner tore down his shanty, describing the sorrow, but also encapsulating the quintessential Brazilian attitude in the face of adversity: “Deus dá o frio conforme o cobertor”--God makes it as cold as the blanket you have. I have embraced this optimism, or tried to, this idea that there’s no challenge that comes your way that you’re not, in some way, prepared to handle.

So what’s next? Basically I’m recharging my batteries and enjoying lots of mom-cooked meals. I still have a few more days of 2017 to soak in this past year and finalize some New Year’s resolutions (more on that later). And you, how was your year?